


First Times Are Hard

by ribonhwa



Category: the GazettE
Genre: First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribonhwa/pseuds/ribonhwa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First times are hard with everything - like holding hands, kisses, hand jobs, blow jobs and making love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of my first works !  
> First times fanfic, because first are a just lovely; I love the excitement and everything about it. It also takes a better look into the development of Reita's and Ruki's relationship in this; how it starts, when it deepens; mostly in the last chapter.  
> This part is kisses, hand jobs and basically a very soft start to it all.

The first time Suzuki Akira knew he was in too deep with Matsumoto Takanori was a cloudy, windy September morning, when the wind woke him up. Opening his small, dark eyes slowly and getting the feel of all his senses, he noticed Takanori beside him. One round cheek against the white sheets of the mattress, the pillow seeming to have escaped somewhere, dark, short lashes above the cheeks, mouth slightly agape and dark hair messy.

This scenario was familiar to Akira, but it was his own arm that worried him, or more so Takanori's small, round fingers on his wrist, right at the pulse point. Maybe it was the way his head still felt heavy and he didn't have time to deny his thoughts and feelings, but the reality scared him.

Because it was too close to a border Akira did not want to cross, because this was not the way it was supposed to be. While dancing close to, maybe even right on the line of, that border had become daily thing, part of the routine, it was not OK anymore, because he did not have an excuse for this in his mind.

Somehow pulling his arm away seemed hard to do, even though Takanori's fingers weren't holding on, but merely laying on his wrist. And Akira could feel the weight of them there, heavier than they should have felt, and it was frightening.

Once he decided to move, Takanori's hand dropped too easily from his. While he didn't know what he had expected to happen, it did not feel right. And as he cleared his head from the sleep, he convinced himself all he wanted to believe.

\---

"You're not sleeping next to Takanori anymore."

Akira took a long drag from his cigarette. Marlboro Gold, more because he liked the package than because he liked the cigarettes. He wasn't even that much of a smoker at all really.

"No", he replied and looked down at the white cigarette pack in his hand reading the Marlboro written with gold letters on top.

Maybe Kouyou didn't get that Akira did not want to discuss the issue, or maybe the tall guitarist had no interest in pleasing the other - and while Kouyou might sometimes have been dense, Akira was sure the other just did not care about Akira's wishes to not talk about Takanori or how he missed having a smaller, steadily breathing body beside him as he slept - so the guitarist continued on the matter.

"That's OK, but you should talk to him."

Akira shook his head and looked down at the view they had from their balcony. The street was empty of cars, the buildings were grey and ugly, and the sky was steadily turning a darker and darker shade of blue.

Apparently Kouyou did not want to push the matter further, as he shrugged his shoulders, silently finished smoking his cigarette and put it out in the coffee cup they used as an ashtray. It was already too full of cigarette buts, Akira noticed as he fixed his small eyes on it. Kouyou left.

And Akira busied himself with smoking another cigarette and emptying the coffee cup as Takanori went to bed alone for the third night since that morning Akira woke up next to him.

\---

The first time Suzuki Akira realized that pushing away from Matsumoto Takanori was going to be hard, was another cloudy September morning. He opened his eyes to a shady room and let a small sigh fall from his thin lips, before sitting up.

The pillow Takanori had slept with had been found under Akira's bed, and instead of returning it to its rightful owner, Akira had placed it on the empty space beside him on the bed. It had been a long struggle with himself before he put it there, and even now he didn't let himself think about it - but if he by mistake thought about it for a second, he reasoned that it didn't at all make up for Takanori being there beside him, so it wasn't the reason for it.

Getting up and going out of his room, across the small living room/kitchen part of the apartment, he went out to the balcony with the newly emptied coffee cup that had three cigarettes in it, one branded red, and two green.

They must have had a guest, since both Kouyou and Takanori smoked green. As Akira lit his cigarette he wondered who the guest in the middle of the night might have been.

The sound of the balcony door opening, made him turn his eyes away from the empty street. The time must not have been a lot, since he'd woken up before his alarm and the lack of traffic was something to go by too.

For a brief moment he met eyes, which looked at him with question underneath the cold, dark pupils, before he turned away again. Akira had never been to handle looking into eyes that were as intense as Matsumoto Takanori's, his stares was too strong, even when he looked at Akira with affection. Actually especially when he looked at Akira with affection, but that was not the case this time.

"Good morning", Takanori greeted in a perfectly selected neutral tone. Akira nodded back and mumbled a reply. He did not trust his voice to work properly at the moment, and settled for silence after that.

Akira could feel the intense stare on him, even he wasn't looking at Takanori, it bothered his entire body making it freeze into place - he was sure if he moved at all, his movements would be shaky and stiff. And while audiences at gigs made Akira nervous as well, this was multiple times worse - he wasn't sure how many, but many.

"Yuu got a live recording of our last live", Takanori said in the same neutral tone and Akira was sure the other was no longer looking at him - maybe Takanori had sensed his discomfort and wanted to make him feel better at ease. If that was the case it worked wonders. "We watched it last night with Yune and Yuu when they came over."

Akira made sense with the red cigarette butt in the ashtray, as Yune (and sometimes Yuu when he was out of his own menthol ones) smoked red and nodded his head that he understood, still not trusting his voice. He felt Takanori's eyes on him again, and saw, from the corner of his down cast eyes, the other lift his gaze from the street below to look at him. He had no control over how his muscles tensed up once again.

"If you want, we could watch it now", Takanori came around to his point and Akira still felt too uncomfortable to look at the other - it was way too early for him too deal with this, and it was way too risky to look at the contradicting factor in his otherwise steady emotional scale. Akira Suzuki was used to playing things rather safe, not too risky unless Kouyou got him convinced on otherwise (like taking a risk with becoming a bassist in his best friend's band), but he found himself nodding his head to this suggestion.

"Okay, I'll set it up now", he heard Takanori say in a steady voice. Akira had never heard the other's voice quiver or break, but he had never heard the other talk in such a tense tone as in this conversation neither. Takanori's voice was usually portraying some kind of emotion.

Akira felt himself tense up more as Takanori stepped towards him, to the ashtray beside him and put out his cigarette. His small eyes moved to watch the other's movements, but not meeting the intense eyes - not quite daring to take a chance of relieving any emotions. He put out his own cigarette too, as it was all burned out.

"I'll be in a bit", Akira mumbled and pulled out another cigarette of his packet - more so not to have to face the other quite yet than because of an actual nicotine itch. A heavy sigh was heard, and he saw Takanori nod his head in agreement, or more like understanding - apparently there was someone who had a respect for Akira's wish to not confront his inner demons yet.

He did not turn to watch the other go inside, he didn't need to as he heard the door close behind Takanori sounding far too loud and feeling far too much like a lasting, final barrier between them at the time - one that Akira wasn't sure if was good or bad, one that he was wishing for and wishing away at the same time.

\---

Because Akira Suzuki was a man, though of a rather young age and thus inexperienced about the matter (because teenagers were supposed to always feel way too much and he was only 22), he was fairly sure he was not supposed to feel a lot of things at the same time. This is why after a while of watching the live, and getting, or more or less almost forcing, his body to relax, and trowing a few comments on the live back and forth with Takanori, he felt relieved. This was feeling good, relaxed and more at home than he had felt for a few days now, but most importantly didn't feel too intense.

As the recording of the live came to and end, and left him and Takanori alone without the safety of something to focus on beside each other, Akira still felt safe with situation - something he hadn't been feeling in a while, or more like something he had been avoiding a few days. He liked it this way, when he was in control of his emotional scale - he was fairly sure that like with blood sugar, it wasn't healthy for him if it bounced up and down, he preferred it steady.

It lead to series of things he was not sure about later on, first one being a dinner him and Takanori enjoyed at the small restaurant just down the street, a walk down the streets in the chill air of the autumn and lastly, but most definitely not least, ending with Takanori sleeping beside him on his bed again. It had been just roughly a week and a half ago, but it felt a lot like the boy had never left, that they had never had this break in their habit.

And maybe this was the way it was meant to be, maybe there was really no point in fighting this, and most likely it would be OK at least just this one time, Akira found himself thinking as he closes his eyes to sleep that night.

\---

There had to be some borders with his and Takanori's relationship, Akira was sure of that, because he would not let it slip too much. Defining this border was sometimes hard, because Akira had no idea where to draw it - a lot of things felt good, and sometimes pushing it might have been more than just a little tempting. It was like walking on the edge of a cliff and being afraid to fall, but unable to walk further away, only pushing himself to walk closer to the edge all the time. Akira hadn't fallen yet, and he intended to keep it that way.

Night after night it just seemed like Takanori was sliding closer and closer to him, when they slept - it had been hard for Akira to notice at first, but once it got to the touching point, he couldn't help, but notice it. Takanori's eyes alone always made a strong impact on him, touching had an even stronger one, it made him crave more and want to pull away at the same time.

Takanori's hands were roughly the same size as his own with shorter and less calloused fingers than his own. And the first time Akira felt them placed on his waist was in the middle of an October night, when he slowly woke up to the touch and steadily felt his heart begin to pound harder at realization. The arm was placed over his stomach and finger curled at his waist, and Akira wasn't sure if he was imagining things and making a bigger deal out the whole thing or not, but he could feel the warmth through his cover burning hot.

"Please?"

The plead was a low mumble from Takanori, who was laying beside him with his eyes closed and his cover pulled up to his chin. He was facing Akira's way and as he opened his small, sleepy eyes to look at him, Akira had to turn away. The touch alone was enough without the intense stare, and Akira was afraid of what he might see in those eyes; a hint of what Takanori was asking for that night or on a longer basis.

"It's OK", Akira mumbled as an reply. He didn't have the strength nor the will to tell the other no. And he was afraid of the answer the question "why?" in this situation, it might have been something he wasn't ready for, something he felt he never would be ready for if the was given years to prepare.

It seemed like Takanori wasn't about to push the matter further either, and settle with curling his fingers on Akira's side and slowly starting to stroke in a small movement. And Akira liked this touch, it was pushing hard enough and it was still gentle and calming. And in the middle of the night he was not join to question how close to the edge this was, or admit that he'd fallen off already.

\---

Matsumoto Takanori had never been the most patient man in the world - he had never hesitated when he knew what he wanted, and had always achieved it at some point(far faster than most people did usually). This static of getting what he wanted and working hard to get it as fast as possible just didn't work with certain things, he had come to realize this.

It was clear to him that Suzuki Akira wanted him, if not just as much as he wanted the other at least to some point. The problematic part of the whole thing was, that Takanori had to take it very slow as not to freak out the other man, because apparently Akira could do that if things happened too fast(something that the past had proven to Takanori, and he was not about to make the same mistake again). And he had never felt as impatient as while he was lying next to Akira in the latter's bed with a hand draped around the other on top of the covers(because sliding his hand under the covers would more than likely freak out Akira) - he wanted so much more on so many levels.

At those moments mostly just physically though. Vivid imagination made it quite hard to not take the whole thing further at all, because he knew Akira was all long, slender, smooth limps under those covers of his(thanks to Kouyou for making them all shave every single hair of their bodies that wasn't on their head for the sake of the whole visual kei scene).

Well, mornings were all about long showers after all. Kouyou and Akira thought he put all that time to get ready(and well, in a way he did).

One October morning it all changed though. And Takanori had no idea why it was that morning of all of them, because there had been many in the past and he'd looked so much better on so many other mornings, but it was then it happened.

Rolling around in his sleep was very much like him to do: some mornings he woke up on the opposite side of the bed from Akira, other morning right next to the other. And when he woke up with Akira right beside him, nose buried in the fabric of the other Sex Pistols shirt he wasn't faced at all by it, more like counted it as a blessing for the day, and closed his eyes for moment to enjoy it a little longer before he decided to open his eyes and get up.

As he sat up on the bed he could feel Akira start to move beside him and looked down at the other with tired eyes, the image of the other a little blurry due to his bad eyesight.

"Morning", he offered the other with a deep voice as Akira sat up as well, their shoulders touching. They were so close that Takanori could make out all of Akira's facial features clearly in the morning light: the small nose, thin lips, downcast dark eyes with short lashes and no eyebrows at all since Kouyou wanted them all to draw them on. The messy, yellowishly blonde hair looked rightfully suffered and dry. Takanori was sure his own hair looked just the same.

Those dark eyes soon turned to look at him and stayed there for an uncharacteristic long time compared to that it was Akira looking - Takanori had rarely seen the other look anyone in the eyes for long periods of time, and with Yuu the other actually avoided it all together. Without any words at all those eyes turned downwards to look at what Takanori assumed to be his lips.

And it was too early in the morning, and he had had no time to prepare, no time to get his lips to look anything as tempting as he wanted them to look at that moment. As Akira suddenly pressed his thin lips to Takanori's own fuller ones with more force than Takanori had expected - because this was something he hadn't been expecting at all.

It didn't take him long to react, pulling back only quickly to wet his lips and pressing against Akira's lips. He forgot all about slow, because this had to mean Akira was ready, because this had to mean there was no going back - and there couldn't be, there wouldn't be. And Akira wasn't hesitant at all, he was following Takanori's lead as the younger had taken a soft hold of the awfully dry hair at his neck.

Akira was pulling at the front of Takanori's T-shirt and leaned back to pull the other on top of him getting the other to turn and lean over the other - as if Takanori wouldn't have followed if he hadn't been pulling him down as well. Takanori ran his hands down the slender neck of Akira and kissed the other once more on the mouth before he placed his mouth where his hands had been, on that slender neck. His hands travelled down the other's body, to the hem of the shirt and underneath it to feel the slender stomach; all smooth, soft skin and hard muscles. And Takanori couldn't help the satisfied sigh that escaped his lips at that moment, his hot breath causing Akira to shudder a little.

He was a little faced by Akira's lack of actions as the other had one hand running through Takanori's suffered, blonde hair and the other squeezing the fabric of Takanori's T-shirt. But he was not going to stop now, if the other didn't protest and if the pants and small moans were to go by, he guessed he had permission to proceed. And he heard no objection as he slid his hand down to the waistband of Akira's sweatpants and underneath it, only the sharp intake of breath from the other.

The first touch to the base of Akira's cock was gentle and slow and made Akira push his hips up, probably unintentionally, but never the less accidentally making his slender thigh meet with Takanori's boxer clad erection. And try as he may, Takanori didn't have enough self-control to keep his actions in check, so he pushed down his hips too, seeking more friction to the itch that really needed to be scratched and let out a low moan as he pushed against Akira's thigh.

He took a deep breath to get himself in check again, as he then continued to move his hand over Akira's cock, the other responding to his touch by arching his back and letting out a louder moan than before. He could feel the slick pre-cum at the tip and moved his fingers over the sensitive tip, before moving his hand back to the base again. His other hand had moved back up Akira's body to his neck to the pulse-point, feeling the rapid beat and stroking along it.

As Takanori's hand began working up and down on Akira's erection, the other began having an even harder time containing the moans coming from his mouth - which Takanori's was thankful for as they began sounding louder, from deeper in the other's throat, in the low tone of Akira's.

He had to lift his head to see the look on Akira's face and pulled himself up. It looked plainly sinful as those small eyes were closed, the blonde hair in disorder, the nonexistent eyebrows furrowed and thin lips parted to let out the pants and moans of the other.

"Fuck", Akira moaned and cursed as he obviously gave up on being quiet at all. Takanori quickened up and put his lips to work once more on the other's neck, his own breaths coming out hot and quick as well.

Despite how loud Akira seemed to have gotten during the whole thing, the whimper he let out as he finally came, was small and whiny - sounding like he was almost disappointed that the whole thing was over, but couldn't help feeling good as well. Or maybe it was Takanori's wishful thinking, maybe that was just how Akira sounded when he came.

He let the other steady his breathing as he wiped his hand on the inside of Akira's sweatpants, which were dirty anyway by then. He then kissed the other on the cheek with his full lips, something he hoped to be a bit encouraging and also to get the other's attention, because by then he desperately needed it.

He got it as he felt the thin lips press against his own in a wet kiss, Akira holding one hand against his round cheek to keep him in place. When they broke apart Takanori seemed the other's eyes with his own, meeting them only for a small moment, before Akira downcast them. Takanori still had his erection pressed against Akira's thigh, and kept it there so the other wouldn't forget - not that he really thought the other would, but just to be sure.

"I've never done this before", Akira breathed out in a quiet voice and looked up into Takanori's eyes briefly before pressing a long, rather tender kiss to the other's lips. Takanori closed his eyes and let himself be pushed up and against the headboard of the bed, sitting with his legs spread out and Akira in between them.

Akira placed small kisses on his neck, and a bit down to his chest and up again as his shaky hands were toying with the hem of his shirt and bit on the skin of his lower stomach. It was slow and it was light and most importantly it was driving Takanori crazy, his breathing already rapid. His own hands were in Akira's hair pulling, and squeezing as he was trying to keep himself in check, because this was not the moment to push this, because this was all he had hoped - he just needed it to go faster toward what he wanted, he needed it too bad.

"Please, please, now", he breathed out in an almost moan plea heard in his voice as he lifted his hips a bit. He could feel Akira's mumbled answer on the skin of his collarbone, but didn't hear it. It became clear, when Akira's slightly shaky hand made it's way under the waistband of Takanori's boxers and hesitantly grabbed a hold on the base of Takanori's cock. Takanori jerked involuntarily and let out a low moan.

After that it was very quick work, as Takanori had never felt as good in his life. Akira's hand was more calloused than his, he pressed gently and firmly, and Takanori turned out to be - not surpringsly really - much louder than Akira letting the other know just how much he was loving the attention. It seemed to make Akira bolder with his touches as well, and Takanori could feel teeth sinking into his shoulder as he came with a moan, in which he agreed very much with the treatment he had been getting.

He panted for a while, trying to catch his breath and letting all of what had happened sink in. It seemed surreal, like part of a too perfect fantasy, he'd never thought possible with all it's imperfections. It didn't make sense at all. But Akira was there, right before him as he opened his eyes to look, looking like he always did, with a small smile on his thin lips and affection, fear and uncertainty in those brown eyes.

"Thank you", Takanori breathed out and couldn't help but pull the other to him and kiss those smiling lips, which responded to him.

"I figured it's like when you do it to yourself", Akira mumbled as they pulled apart and were sitting on the bed facing each other, both a little uncomfortable in their sticky pants and boxers.

"Pretty much", he replied in a low voice. It was a bit worn from the recent screaming, and he smiled a bit about the fact. What really would make the moment perfect was a cigarette for that itch. "Shower and cigarettes?" he asked nonexistent eyebrow raised at Akira, who nodded his head.

And Takanori was happy about this, because this was something they could not turn back from, even if he was a little nervous about Akira suddenly panicking about it (like had happened before). But as they continued on the road they had taken in the showers, Takanori was fairly certain that this relationship was going in the direction he wanted it to. He even got to taste the smoke of Marlboro Gold on Akira's tongue on the balcony, when Kouyou wasn't around to watch(because Akira was persistent about that, even though it was not at all likely that Kouyou had not heard them in Akira's bedroom).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has coming to terms (more or less) with being gay - been there, and still stuck, but that's me - and blow jobs.  
> Enjoy !

It seemed to have reached a point, where he couldn't deny it anymore, where he was left with no other option than to accept it. But as it turned out Suzuki Akira wasn't ready for that, he couldn't do that, because after that he knew there would be no going back. Not that there by any logic was either way if he actually thought about it.

Whenever he was just thinking about the possibility of being gay, he was struck with a wave of panic and anxiety so intense, that he couldn't continue thinking about it. It was a lot like the feeling when he was driving a car on an empty road and someone turned a corner to drive behind him so he suddenly saw the bright headlights in his rearview mirror, or like walking home alone at night and knowing someone is walking behind you; the want to get away fast was both unexplainable and unreasonable, but it was there and it felt strong.

So he tried not to think about it.

Takanori was good at making him forget, touching him, kissing him and holding him in the privacy of their bedroom(it was their bedroom by then, since Takanori wasn't at all using his own, only to get clothes from his closet). And at those moments, there was no anxiety, just how easy and good it felt.

And how much more pleasant it had become to wake up. He'd gotten used to waking up to have kisses placed on his lips, cheeks and neck, and he no longer had any idea of how he'd gotten by without them.

He sighed contently as he slowly came to his senses that morning. The wet, full lips were pressed softly and skillfully at random parts of the back of his neck and shoulders. Takanori was fully awake, he could tell as the other had had his hands travel underneath his loose T-shirt to touch his stomach with sure movement and eligible fingers. The fingers felt a little cool and he let out a small whimper involuntarily.

"You're so thin."

The deep voice awoke Akira more and he mumbled a protest to the statement, before he turned around to face Takanori making the other give up on stroking his stomach and to place the hand on his hip instead. The morning light was bright and shone through the window behind Takanori as Akira tried to open his eyes, regretting it.

So he closed his eyes and lifted one of his hands to stroke Takanori's cheek gently, the skin soft and warm under his calloused and cold fingers. He could feel the other turn his head under his hands, and let his hand be taken a hold of by Takanori's own. He could feel a wet kiss be placed on his forefinger, lips lingering before they were followed by Takanori's tongue. And Akira couldn't keep his eyes closed anymore.

As he expected Takanori was looking directly at him, dark eyes a little daring and seductive. And he cast his eyes down a bit, stopping short at Takanori's lips, which had moved on to kiss his middle finger right at the tip.

Akira was not stupid, nor was he slow or dense, he knew what Takanori was getting at with this - and the calloused thumb slowly stroking circles on his hipbone was a clue in on it too. And he did like the idea, loved it in fact, his body craving it; Takanori's mouth was - for the lack of a better word, really - skillful. It had been proved with various hickeys on Akira's body and his bruised lips which he never noticed until he looked himself in the mirror.

He lifted his glance to look at Takanori with insecure, but certain eyes - Takanori knew how to read into his looks, usually knew when to slow down, when to go on, and Akira was grateful for that, since he wasn't all that good with words most of the time. Takanori smiled, almost childishly happy with this turn of events, before leaning in to kiss Akira eagerly and firmly on the lips.

And everything after that happened so fast that Akira wasn't sure if he'd have had the chance at any point to stop it - not that he at any point would have wanted to. Takanori had one hand push him down to lay on his back, and the other had found it's way into his sweatpants from it's former place on his hip. Those lips that were only a moment ago pressed against his own were moved to his neck, and Akira could feel the surprisingly and deceivingly soft open mouth kissing and sucking there.

"Taka, not the neck", he breathed out finding it hard to catch his breath, as Takanori's fingers were touching him tenderly, too softly, not pressing hard enough, but making him even harder. Yuu had already teased him about some small love bites on his neck, and Akira wasn't much for going through it again - he wasn't much for attention, not from Yuu most of all, because there was something frightening about the other: like he was and ember about to burst into flame at any given moment(Akira had seen that happen, and Yune was usually the one to set it off, because he wasn't afraid of Yuu, or anyone else for that matter).

"OK, OK", Takanori mumbled the reply and sounded hurried, extremely eager. He was already moving on, down to Akira's chest, pushing the T-shirt out of his way, his finger sliding down his the ribs afterwards - it seemed like one of Takanori's favorite parts, he usually stroked along the ribs through Akira's shirt as they were falling asleep, lulling him to sleep with the tender touch - and his mouth moving at a fast pace downwards his stomach and to his hips.

Akira lifted his hips to let Takanori pull down his sweats as the other had stopped his licking and biting to get this out of the way. He couldn't help shiver at the cold air that met with this skin, and let out a shaky sigh. This was it he thought and put one arm to cover his eyes, when he felt Takanori continue.

It was those open mouthed, wet kisses that had been placed on his fingertips, but now on his hips and moving towards his erection, which Takanori had his warm hand around. By then the sounds coming out of Akira's mouth were all involuntary and his breathing was shallow and shaky with anticipation - Takanori was seeming to take his time compared to just how eager the other had been only moments before, at least it seemed to take forever before those lips placed the first wet kiss to the tip of his erection.

After that it wasn't slow at all anymore, and every swipe of Takanori's tongue, the slickness, wetness, the warmth had Akira panting, moaning, hips trusting and both hands clenching the sheets. If he'd had the energy at the moment, he would maybe have felt a bit embarrassed at just how quickly it was over by then, but he'd never felt as amazing in his own whole life before, had never come down from such a high.

He sighed content and with his eyes closed he could feel how Takanori was coming up to lie beside him. Without thinking twice he opened his eyes to be able to find the other and press his lips tightly to the other's, in a clumsy kiss, completely forgetting where the other's mouth had been placed just moments before, and not really caring either. Takanori pressed back, and smiled into the kiss obviously satisfied with himself.

"Thank you", Akira sighed out eyes closed and still at a loss of breath. He was still at a high, not seeming to he coming down, and not sure he wanted to. There was nothing much he had the time to think about, before he fell in an unconscious state and slept long into the day.

\----

"Hey."

He knew he sounded lame, guilty and awkward as he said the words. Akira wasn't exactly good at faking if he felt uncomfortable, even when he tried to joke his way into a more comfortable atmosphere it usually still shined through. And he wasn't exactly sure if he felt like joking about this, he wasn't sure what Takanori was thinking about the incident at that moment. He focused his eyes on the dusty, dirty floor of their kitchen as he leaned against the wall. He knew exactly where Takanori was sitting by the kitchen table, legs pulled up on the chair as he sat by the laptop he had open, but didn't want to look up to see the other.

"Good morning", was the amused reply from the young man. He moved his eyes from the laptop screen to look at Akira, who at that moment wished that he'd put more clothes on than the T-shirt and boxers he'd been sleeping in. The tone of the other made the bassist more at ease though and he willed some of his muscles to relax.

"About this morning…" he then started and took careful steps into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee into a mug. He found it easier to talk as he had something else to focus on at the same time, the task of getting himself coffee. He liked how steady he voice sounded compared to how nervous he felt, so he kept going though he had no idea how to say what he wanted to express. "…I'm sorry. You know, about…"

The sudden loss of words wasn't really surprising to him, so he just looked over a Takanori willing the other to understand without the words, which he was too embarrassed to say out loud. The other looked back at him with those dark eyes and shook his head with a laugh.

"You're worried about leaving me with a hard-on, since you fell asleep this morning?" The tone was clearly amused, but it made Akira turn his eyes away in further embarrassment at the words. Even if they weren't said in anger, and Takanori wasn't even remotely upset, it didn't mean he wasn't, and he couldn't turn that off. Wish as he might.

"Hey, it's fine, nothing I couldn't handle myself so to say", Takanori said and looked at Akira with searching eyes - looking for clues wether he could, should drop the issue at that, or if the other needed him to continue. And he felt a certain pressure on himself as those eyes looked that him. It wasn't that Takanori said anything, and Akira could tell the other was trying to suppress any feelings of the sort, but it shined through that the other was anticipating the day Akira would go down on him in return. And now it really felt like he owed Takanori just that, even if he tried to tell himself otherwise. Because he knew he didn't have to do things he wasn't ready for, that Takanori wouldn't demand that of him.

"OK", Akira managed to say, even if he felt like the almost choked on the word. He didn't say more on the matter, he wouldn't have known how to, and he was afraid of the outcome if he continued to press the matter. It could end in things he wasn't ready to do, it could end in him doing things he didn't know how to do - he most certainly wanted to give Takanori an experience that was worth as much as his own had been.

The matter was dropped then, Takanori nodding his head acceptingly at Akira's reply. He didn't look at Akira with anticipating eyes anymore as they moved on to more everyday topics.

"Is Kouyou at work?" Akira asked a little forced trying to move along faster, to clear the air and to get his mind of the whole issue. He sat in the seat across from Takanori and took his first sip of the coffee.

"Yea", Takanori replied and focussed his dark eyes on the laptop screen as he spoke. "Said he would go drinking with Shiroyama directly after too then. You're not working today, right?"

Akira shook his head no. "You have work today?"

"Evening, I'll leave in an hour." The tone was displeased and Takanori wrinkled his nose at the idea.

"It's money", Akira reminded the other and got sigh followed by a mumbled reply. "Can I borrow your laptop when you leave?" he asked after a small moment of silence.

"What's wrong with yours?" Takanori asked suddenly looking directly at Akira with a searching stare. It had to do with him being extremely careful about his stuff - Kouyou wasn't allowed to borrow most of his stuff at all, since the other had a tendency to break his own, and Akira's too occasionally. Akira could usually be allowed to borrow things, because he was as careful as Takanori with things.

"It overheats and shuts down", Akira explained nonchalantly. The matter didn't really pain him, the laptop was old and he should buy a new one. "It doesn't bother me that much, but the time it can be used is getting shorter and shorter, it's down to about twenty minutes. It's impossible to watch anything with it."

"You mean One Piece", Takanori more like stated than questioned with a small smile on his full lips. Akira nodded in admittance, that would be what he used his computer for more than anything else really.

In the end Takanori nodded his head and agreed to letting Akira use his computer. His last instructions forbid letting Kouyou touch it if the other should come by after work anyways.

\---

The warmth in his cheeks were not from the temperature in the room, nor from physical performance. It all came from the various things he'd been looking at on the screen of Takanori's laptop for the past hour, since the other had left for work. Mostly it was embarrassment, later on it was also partly arousal, and after that it was mixed arousal and embarrassment of being aroused.

After reading some throughout descriptions about how to give good head, and not really coming to any kind of conclusion, since most were so different from each other, he'd ended up on a site, where a young couple had put up a video. The young boy's lips were licking up and down the hard shaft, and Akira could see how his hands were touching the balls of his partner even with the bad, dark lightning of the room - he hadn't dared click on any of the porn site links that came up (he had some experience with how those could put all kinds of icons on a computer and it would be hard to get those off a desktop, thanks a lot to Kouyou), but this was actually a blog with some very risqué stuff on it apparently.

He shut the browser as the 3 minute clip came to it's end - still no closer to an answer than before, and with hard-on he tried to ignore for the time being. He figured all the blood must have fled his mind for lower places, so he'd better take a long, hot shower and maybe try again to figure out this stuff.

\---

The wait for Takanori to come home that night was long, and it felt even longer than the nine hours it took. Akira spent it cleaning up the apartment, since watching One Piece failed at his inability to relax at the given moments, and he couldn't take his mind of what would happen when Takanori would come home. The nervous anxiousness was taking over all of him, making it impossible for him to focus on anything other than his upcoming task of sucking Takanori's cock - and wether or not he would fail it. This is how his mission of cleaning the apartment also ended before due, because he could not get his mind to think of it at all, even if it was such a simple task.

Actually he was quite grateful that he didn't have any work that day, he would not have been able to focus on anything - simple or complex.

The TV was on, showing some show he wasn't paying any attention to, as he sat on there biting on his thumbnail and trying to get his heart to beat at a slower pace - it wasn't beating furiously or anything, it just had an uncomfortably fast pace for the current task of not really doing anything. That was the moment when the lock of the apartment could be heard turning, and the door opened, warning Akira that Takanori was home. He didn't move, he didn't really know how to tackle this, he didn't know how to begin, even if he'd had the whole day to think about this.

"Supremely longest and most awful day ever."

Takanori's deep voice sounded relieved that the day was over, but some of the annoyance, that had come with the events of the day, was there too now that he was able to let it out.

"Well, it's over now", Akira said in a low voice, a little tense. He got up from the couch and looked over at Takanori, who was making his way into the apartment as he'd removed his shoes and jacket.

"Yea, at least Kouyou and Shiroyama aren't here today, so I don't have to look at more drunk people." There was more to that statement than just the lack of drunk people, it was the lack of any people there with them at all, they were alone, it was just the two of them. Akira felt the pounding of his heart grow faster. The way Takanori looked at Akira was warm and loving, like the only thing that kept him going the whole day was the man standing before him. And Akira couldn't exactly respond to that so he didn't, he just made his way over to Takanori and put his arms around the other.

"Yea, no drunk people", he mumbled a little shakily in a low voice. He lowered his head to kiss the shorter man in front of him on the full lips. Takanori opened his mouth instantly, this was a dance they had done, and Akira knew how the other was much for tongue and orally skilled in a way that he felt he wasn't. Sometimes the licks, the sucking, the soft biting he received felt like he was cheating, like he was getting a lot more than he was giving, but he felt too unsure to answer with as much as Takanori. Even when he did, Takanori took it even further.

He pulled the younger man further into the apartment with his hold on the other's waist. It felt exiting for them to express their affection in other parts of the apartment than their bedrooms, most of the time Kouyou was home after all. Takanori's smile was wide as he looked at the other, his hands touching all over Akira's T-shirt clad back as they moved. Akira was much more careful and shy with his touches as he held onto the other man and lead him to the couch and sat him down. He was met with some resistance, when Takanori didn't really want to part hands with his slender body, but got the other settled down.

The dark eyes looked at him expectantly and a little bewildered, with trust as he waited for Akira to do something. That was the moment, Akira had anticipated the whole day, the one he could not prepare himself for more, even if he was given a million years. So he dropped his eyes down to the front of Takanori's pants and got down on his knees so he on eye level with that.

"Oh my god", Takanori let out in a amazed, breathy voice, when the realization hit him. He spread his legs willingly, when Akira gently pushed them apart. He could feel the other's eyes on him, but he didn't let that bother him as he gently touched the soft skin under Takanori's shirt. He pushed the fabric up and lowered his head to kiss the skin, licking it gently as well. At least for him, the lower stomach was a sensitive area, and from what he could tell from Takanori's breathy moans and sighs, the other was enjoying the attention to the region as well.

He let out a small surprised sound as he felt pressure being placed on his head, but sighed when he realized it was just Takanori's hands, more like resting there than pushing or demanding anything. Takanori didn't seem to notice the small pause, just let out quickened breaths and some low moans. So Akira continued his kisses and slid his hands along the other's clad thighs higher and higher, where he felt the fabric sitting tighter than normal.

He undid the zipper and button of the pants and moved his hand to press down a little, earning a louder moan from Takanori. There was a small bite given to the skin on Takanori's lower stomach, before the younger of the two decided that was enough with the foreplay.

"Off." The command was a low grunt as Takanori lifted his hips up from the couch and tried to push down his pants and boxers with hurried movements. Akira felt a strange kind of satisfaction at getting the other this excited and pulled the other's pants of completely leaving the other bottomless on the couch.

It felt a little weird, so new, to be where he was at the moment, stroking his thumbs on Takanori's inner thighs and looking at the erect member in between the other's legs. He tentatively licked the tip and looked up a little to look at Takanori to see the other's face: he had his eyes closed, round cheeks flushed and mouth open sucking in quick breaths greedily.

"Come on, please."

The words left the mouth in a desperate sigh as Takanori was obviously waiting for more to happen, and at a faster pace than it was. Akira felt more bold with what he was doing and closed his eyes as he lowered his open mouth to take in Takanori's erection being careful to not scrape with his teeth. He still wasn't sure how to do this more so he tentatively sucked a little and moved his tongue along the shaft. That was probably somewhat right as Takanori moaned loud and buried one of his hands in Akira's suffered, blond hair.

Bolder and bolder by the moment, Akira sucked and licked and moved his mouth up and down Takanori's member. His hands were placed on Takanori's hips to keep the other still, since the other seemed to be loosing himself completely. And while Akira had been very careful with his teeth, once his teeth scraped a little, it send Takanori over the edge, coming in Akira mouth.

It tasted a little bitter, not very pleasant, but not as bad as Akira had expected. Never the less he gaged a little on the fluid, and it took a while for him to swallow. Once he was done with that, he found Takanori in a blissful state on the couch, as the other usually was the first moments after orgasms. It didn't fail to bring a smile to his face, since he really felt like he succeeded in this.

He pulled himself of the floor and sat down next to Takanori, still pant less and panting, on the couch. He pressed a small kiss on the other's cheek trying to get him to snap out of his post orgasmic feels. The force with which the other pulled him into a full-on mouth to mouth kiss surprised him, but he melted into it as Takanori licked his lips and tasted the insides of his mouth thoroughly.

"I can taste myself in your mouth", Takanori told him with an out of breath laugh as he'd pulled out of the kiss. The tone was amazed and happy, like it was the best thing that had ever happened, like it was something Takanori had wished for, but had thought would never happen. Which could be close to the truth, when Akira thought about himself - he wouldn't even have thought he'd have done what he just had.

"You can't sleep here", Akira mumbled when Takanori fell back against the couch and closed his dark eyes. The younger, spent man mumbled an half-hearted protest, but stumbled to get up on his feet. Akira picked up the other's pants and boxers as they made their way into their bedroom.

"You had the whole day, and you didn't even make the bed", Takanori said in an tired and amused tone as he picked out a clean T-shirt and boxers from Akira closet to wear for sleep. Akira shrugged his shoulders, not really knowing how to answer. Takanori wasn't complaining about the matter, since the other dived into the bed as soon as he had his sleepwear on.

"This is so good."

Akira smiled a little at the low mumble coming from under the sheets. As it turned out he'd been more ready for this than he'd thought, more ready for this than even Takanori had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment !


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most serious part, the feelings getting deeper and the actual first time.  
> Enjoy !

Matsumoto Takanori enjoyed the blow jobs, and the hand jobs, that he shared with Suzuki Akira. There was no reason to complain, to be unsatisfied, and he didn't consider himself to be doing either. He just felt like he had a yearning for something more, something he knew they could be doing, but they weren't - anal sex.

If he was dating someone like Takashima Kouyou, there wouldn't be a problem. He could bring up the matter, or actually just do it, and it would be fine. There was a man, who was OK with anything that happened, that went with life's surprises and didn't think about things too much into the future. That just wasn't the case, when he was actually seeing someone a whole lot different than Kouyou.

Suzuki Akira was more complicated than that: not really OK with being gay for one. Not only was his closet door closed, Takanori was pretty sure it was also locked. With multiple locks. Over thinking everything, and not being comfortable trying new things, were also on the list to why you had to be careful while dealing with him. Takanori was positive the man would run just hearing the word "anal sex" or any other word referring to the act.

There wasn't many options on how he could get what he wanted, how he could do this. He spent some time considering(a whole month actually), but he didn't come up with any solution to the problem. Other than actually just doing it, which he actually starting to consider. Akira's reaction to the whole thing differed in his mind, and when it ended well in his fantasies(which it did more often than not), he got to ride the bassist to the very end - but that might just be how he wished the whole thing would play out. Most likely it was just that.

It was something he was thinking about one lazy December morning, when he was laying on top of Akira and kissing the other(because didn't he just wish that this might be the day they could take it to the next level). Kouyou had left for work and the living room couch had been left available, so that was were they were making out. Akira was a little tense at first, but Takanori could feel him starting to relax and smile a little into the kisses - it felt exciting and a little forbidden to be kissing in a place outside of either of their bedrooms. Their nether regions were grinding slowly and Takanori could feel the swelling of Akira's cock against his own through their boxers. The hands on Takanori's waist and down at his bottom were also pressing harder, but Akira always waited for the other to make the final moves towards more.

That happened this time too, when Takanori pulled away from the kisses. He opened his eyes to look down at an out of breath, messy haired Akira with dark eyes that looked up at him with affection and wanting: it was a sight that almost made him want to keep up the kissing and removing of their pants, but also one that wanted him to take up his issue. He took a deep breath to calm his breathing, which was also very rapid and started:

"Aki", he said in sigh, one of disappointment for giving up this great moment and how great it would have turned out to be(but they had already done blow jobs on the couch, so it was OK). "I really wanted to talk about this one thing." His tone was a little hesitant, slightly apologetic, and very husky. He bit his lower lip after as he waited Akira response.

The blond underneath changed his look in a second, hands leaving Takanori's body, head nodding in acknowledgement and eyes averted. "OK, sure", the deep voice spoke and cleared his throat. "Could I sit up, then?" he asked. Takanori was still on top of him, legs spread on either side of his hips, and elbows holding him above Akira, hands on those bare shoulders.

Takanori got up, and slid of Akira's lap as well, very reluctantly. Akira crossed his legs immediately after to hide the bulge in his boxers. Something which Takanori didn't bother to do - the other knew it was there so he didn't exactly see the point. But the fact that the bassist had the need to do so, made him think twice over the matter he was about to talk about.

"I don't mean to pressure you or anything", he started in a slightly hoarse voice, before clearing his throat. Akira hummed an acknowledging reply and nodded his head for Takanori to go on, his dark eyes studying the other curiously, unmistakably nervous and clearly with no clue of where this was going. "I just wanted to know if you ever thought about doing something more", he finished, dancing around the actual issue. He willed Akira to understand what he was talking about, but wasn't sure how aware the other would be about it.

Akira nodded his head and averted his eyes from Takanori. "I don't know, I haven't thought about more, I guess", he mumbled in reply, his tone clinging a little untrue - like when he talked about picking up girls with Shiroyama.

"OK", Takanori said in clear voice, louder than Akira. He'd have to actually say the whole thing he thought, and tried to find some words to say it in a nice way. "Would you consider doing something more, maybe?" he then asked looking at Akira trying to determine if the other knew, what he was getting at - the last chance of him trying to say "let's try anal sex" without actually saying it.

By the slightly frightened look on the other face, Akira did know what this was about. There was a small nod of his head and a lowly spoken reply: "I'll think about it."

Takanori was satisfied with the answer and leaned over to kiss the slender boy on his thin lips. He smiled reassuringly to the other, and held the other's hand in his own stroking the palm with his chubby fingers.

"Just to be clear though", he spoke in a voice he meant as calming, but had an underlying clear excitement he couldn't help - the promise Akira made meant so much to him. "We're talking anal sex, and more specifically you doing me." The last part was a necessary part to add, if Akira was ever to agree to this. It was also the way Takanori wanted it to be for now, and he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Yea, OK", Akira agreed with a small laugh and smile. "I promise to think about it and… I tell you when I…" There was no ending to the sentence, but there didn't need to be. Takanori hummed an agreement, because he understood without the words. Akira would tell him when he was ready.

In the meantime, there was no reason they couldn't enjoy the things they were already familiar with.

\---

Christmas had always been a happy time for Akira. The Suzuki household wasn't rich, so there weren't that much presents, but he felt his family was a loving and supporting one(something he didn't take for granted), so he enjoyed visiting them. The absence of his father didn't bother them as his mother and grandmother prepared dinner, now also with the help of his older sister. It had always been like that, and he wouldn't have it any other way. His spirits were high as he waited to see them all, and give them the presents he had purchased.

Same couldn't be said for Takanori, who had picked up all the shifts he could for the holidays, not having anyone to spend them with. The young boy looked brave and had his head held high, when Kouyou and Akira were leaving, but Akira felt more than a little sorry for him. Kouyou was looking forward to the holidays as well, and slipped out the door faster than Akira. It was the 23rd December and the time was good into the evening already.

There was a small moment of silence between them as Akira turned to Takanori to say goodbye. The sound of city could be heard muffedly, and closer Kouyou's retreating footsteps, but Akira couldn't focus on that, when all he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat. He had his eyes cast down, because he wasn't sure how to look at the other at that moment, when he was leaving - this was one of those moments he wasn't good at(after getting together with Takanori he'd come to realize just how many of those he had).

"Well, see you in a couple of days", he said a little weakly with a small smile on his face, which he was sure Takanori could tell to be fake. Takanori hummed a agreeing reply, before they fell to another silence.

"See you then", Takanori said in a deep voice and took a few steps toward Akira. Akira turned his eyes toward the other at the movement and was a little taken aback by the tight hug Takanori pulled him into, but wrapped his arms around the other as well. There was a small touch of dry lips pressed softly against the side of his neck, before the hug ended. That was their goodbye, and Akira felt like he should have expressed so much more, like he should have also kissed the other goodbye, but it became too late: Takanori retreated into the warmth of the apartment from the chilly entry with the open front door.

Akira stepped outside and closed the door behind him with a small sigh. He wished Takanori would also have someone to spend the holidays with. He wasn't allowed to keep on that trail of emotions however, when he was faced with something else: Kouyou was within sight of the front door.

It wasn't like he thought Kouyou didn't have any clue up until now, like the other didn't know what was going on, because Akira was fairly sure the other did - judging by more than one hint given in some private conversations they'd had(which he had all ignored, feeling a little embarrassed). It had more to do with that he wasn't ready to talk about this, wasn't ready to tell the other, felt like it had now been forced on him out of his control. It would be too big a step for him, which would surely leaving him feeling like he was stepping of a cliff.

"We've to get going", Kouyou said and they got going. The moving on didn't help Akira's nerves at all, but he just got going as well. "I promise I didn't see anything", Kouyou added as they made their way down the stairs sounding a little amused.

And Akira thought that maybe with Kouyou he didn't have to talk about this. There seemed to be an acceptance without further words, one that had been there since the beginning.

\---

Their van old and rather dirty, both on the inside and outside. It had to do with all the things and people they had been driving around in the vehicle in the year and a half they had owned it. It was used to move around their instruments and themselves to gigs they got. The front of the van was designed to fit three people in the seats, but more often than not all five members of their band were squeezed to fit there.

At that moment, there were only him and Kouyou in the car. He was sitting behind the wheel, letting Kouyou enjoy a beer, which he had brought along from their fridge in the last minute(once Akira had promised he would drive the way there). Maybe the beer was with the wrong person, Kouyou was as relaxed as ever, while Akira was fidgeting and drumming his slender fingers on the wheel nervously. There was really not that much need to pay attention to the road or traffic, since it went so smoothly, streetlights just passing by on the highway. Yet there was too much going on in his head for him to feel relaxed: seeing his family, Kouyou knowing about him and Takanori, and left-behind Takanori with nothing, but work to keep him company.

"Oh shit", he cursed out as a realization struck him. The present he'd had in the pocket of his jacket for Takanori was still there. He'd meant to give it to the other before leaving, hoping it would ease some of the loneliness and sadness he imagined Takanori's Christmas to involve.

Kouyou turned to look at his friend a little puzzled. He'd been busy enjoying the Christmas carol playing on the radio and his beer, before that. "Hmm?" he hummed in question, waiting for Akira to explain.

"It's nothing", Akira dismissed in a low voice. "I just forgot to give Taka a present I got him."

"He would have opened it before Christmas anyway, so maybe it's better like this", Kouyou said and took another sip from his beer.

"Just thought it would be something for him to be happy about." There was concern and caring in his voice, which he tried to disguise. Something Kouyou saw through.

"Taka is a tough kid, he's going to be fine. Yuu is staying in the city for Christmas too, they already made plans I think." Kouyou's tone was comforting and optimistic, like it usually always was.

"It's a little different. Shiroyama's parents would go to extremes to have him home for an hour or two."

Kouyou laughed a little at the comment, and how true it was. "Well, he is their baby."

"At the age of 22, really?" Akira questioned amused, feeling a bit better the more they talked. Kouyou shrugged his shoulder, not really knowing what to say.

"23 in January. He is the youngest", he stated and then continued: "I think Taka will be happier to get the present, when we get back. Then you can give him a little more too."

That was followed by giggles, and Akira not knowing how to respond. He laughed a little too, mumbling an agreement. Kouyou would most likely get him used to the whole thing little by little, like he'd done with everything(moving to Tokyo had been a 2-year pursue of nonstop talking about it).

\----

He actually didn't have time to think about Takanori once they arrived home. There were no reminders of the young boy in his childhood home, and Christmas went by on merry terms. It was late in the evening when he arrived, and he was tired, so he went to sleep shortly into his arrival. The next morning they exchanged gifts. He was grateful for all he got, but didn't get anything special.

It wasn't until they were sitting by the table and eating dinner, when he was suddenly reminded of Takanori unexpectedly.

"Does Aki have a girlfriend now then?"

Akira felt his muscles tense up and a small anxiousness wake inside him. There had been no thoughts spared to how his mother or grandmother would take the news of him seeing a boy, but he couldn't see them taking it too well.

"No", he replied trying not to sound nervous in the answer. It wasn't really a lie, Akira thought, since he didn't have a girlfriend. The matter wasn't pushed further, just some comment about how handsome he was by his older sister. He was thankful for that, and tried to calm the nerves the question had woken up in him.

And when he later lay in bed and tried to sleep, he wasn't really able to. Akira had never considered himself a strong person, one to be able to stand up to people without a sort of fear of rejection - there had always been a strong need for him to fit in and not stand out too much. Kouyou had been the first one to change that, had made him think about what he wanted to do, had been beside him as they made the decision to move to Tokyo and become musicians: one that neither's parents had been approving of.

This felt like a situation like that, one that he wasn't strong enough to face on his own. He found himself missing Takanori even more than before, found himself needing the other beside him. There was something about Takanori that made him feel more that ease with that part of himself and it was easier to face this with someone.

Akira pulled his phone out from beneath his pillow. The light of the screen blinded him a small while, when he looked at it in the dark. There was a small moment of hesitation, when his slender fingers typed the text and he looked it over a few times, before pressing the button for sending.

_Hey Taka. I wanted to say merry christmas. Hope work hasn't been too busy. I miss you._

The feelings afterwards whirred around him as he awaited a response - some nerves, a lot of anticipation. The last sentence made him want to crawl into a hole in the ground and not come out until it could be forgotten, the regret of adding it to the text felt endless. He knew Takanori wasn't sleeping, it wasn't even midnight and the younger boy was not one to sleep early(he was one for sleeping in on the mornings though).

It only took a couple of minutes for the reply to arrive, and Akira looked it up as soon as it arrived. The smile that spread across his thin lips was of relief and purely happiness.

_Merry christmas to you too! I miss you too, can't wait for you to come back. How are things back there?_

That was when he knew his decision, when he felt so sure of Takanori, that he could feel it in his being. His follow up text reflected that:

_I'm OK, everything here is nice. I'll bring you some cookies. Also, I've thought about what you wanted to do. I think we should do that, when I get back. Sleep well._

\----

The streetlights turned on as they drove down the highway. It had become evening on their journey towards Tokyo, which was going rather slow, because of the holiday traffic. Akira wasn't sure if he should be grateful for that or not, since the anxiousness over seeing Takanori felt overwhelming. It had reached the point, where he found it hard to sit still and was ripping away at some candy wrap to have something to take his mind of it - his solution wasn't very successful.

Waiting for you to come home. And for the cookies of course.

The text had been rather suggestive, and Akira hadn't been sure how to feel about it. Certainly it had sent pleasant shivers down his spine, blood flowing faster and hotter in his veins, but it also made him second guess. There had been no time for researching on the subject, so there was really no way to be sure if he was going to make a fool of himself or not.

The reply had been sent, when they left. He didn't put much into it, only that they were leaving then and that he was waiting to see Takanori again. The latter part was also true. Akira felt like the whole thing would be much more clear, when he could see the other again. He wished for time to go by faster.

Eventually they got home, time going ever as slow. Kouyou talked to him, and he answered a little absentmindedly, not really being able to focus on the conversation. The tightening in his stomach got worse, when they got to Tokyo and by the time they turned to the street they lived, it was on the border of unbearable - he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and his palms were sweaty.

"Finally home", Kouyou said in a relaxed voice with a small sigh. He turned to drive to their parking lot and parked their van. The few bags they had brought along were lighter than, when they'd left a few days ago, and easily carried to the building and put the stairs.

Akira forced himself to take calm steps and walk the same pace as Kouyou. If he'd been by himself, he would have been running up to meet Takanori, wouldn't have been able to control himself as much.

"Sweet home", Kouyou said as they finally caught up to their front door. "Takanori is home, right?" he asked and rang the doorbell, the sound clinging louder than his voice.

"Should be", Akira answered voice sounding tense. He could hear the faint footsteps that were rushing towards the door. The locked turned and the door opened.

The warmth and the soft light coming from inside the apartment was inviting, and the place smelled like home to Akira. Takanori looked appealing in his jeans and T-shirt with dark make-up around his eyes. It was strange how some of the nervousness in Akira died down, to be replaced by a different kind, a more pleasant kind.

"Thought you'd never be here", he huffed a little annoyed, eyes looking at Kouyou. They soon turned to Akira with a whole different look in them, but he didn't say anything more.

"It's not like you'd be sleeping now anyway", Kouyou said with a smile, not at all faced by Takanori's complaints. Takanori didn't push the matter either, just moved inside the apartment mumbling a "could have been".

"You have something for me, right?" Takanori said, when they got the door closed. Akira could feel his cheeks heating up slightly, and looked up with surprised eyes at the other. Kouyou was still undoing his shoes. "Cookies?" he then requested sounding a little amused.

Akira nodded his head, while lowering his eyes. He placed his bag on the kitchen table and looked for the cookies his grandmother had given him to go. "Here" he said as he handed them over to Takanori. He sounded out of breath and felt like it too as he looked at the boy holding the cookies in his hands.

"You got to give Taka his present now?" Kouyou questioned as he made it to the kitchen as well. Not surprisingly the lanky guitarist went straight for the fridge to get a beer.

"Just some cookies", Takanori said unsuccessful in hiding the curiosity in his voice at the mention of a present.

"I forgot to give you before I left", Akira spoke up quickly before neither of the others made any conclusions about any different kind of present being the topic - Takanori sounded like he wasn't sure if that was what Kouyou was referring to. He went to get it from the pocket of his jacket and gave the small bag to Takanori. "It's nothing special, just something small."

"Open it", Kouyou demanded happily as he hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter. Takanori didn't waste any time opening it, opening the small plastic bag and pulling out what was inside - Akira wasn't good at wrapping up present, he usually just took out the receipts and gave the gifts in the bags he got to go with them.

Akira looked on as Takanori's fingers pulled out the taper insertion pins, three of them, each one bigger than the last, and lastly also a sliver flesh tunnel plug - Takanori had talked about wanting to expand one of the piercings in his ear, so Akira had gotten him what he knew the other wanted.

"Oh, cool", Kouyou said as he jumped down from the counter to have a closer look. Leaving his beer behind, he was able to look at them closer in his hands. "You wanted them up to this one, right?" he asked before placing it back on the table. Takanori just nodded, and slowly a smile spread across his face at the realization.

"Thank you", he said and walked over to Akira. There was the excitement still in the pit of the latter one's stomach, and he would have very much liked to step back. At the same time he wanted to step forward, get closer. It was confusing and he stood still as Takanori hugged him.

"You're welcome", he said feeling like he should have said more - some more things like "it's really nothing" or something like that. Takanori and him touching felt warm and nice, and it calmed his anxiousness, made him feel more at ease.

They all sat down by the kitchen table to talk about Takanori stretching his ear piercing - the size, how much time it would take and that kind of stuff. Kouyou was drinking beer, not really much for the cookies, Takanori seemed to like them a lot and they didn't last so long. Akira also got himself a beer(he didn't drink them often, but found this to be a good time for one, slowing down some of his racing thoughts)

Later on they still hadn't unpacked, and Kouyou eventually got a call from Yuu. Apparently he'd made plans with the other he'd forgotten about and had to get moving on.

"Catch you guys later", he said his goodbye as he shut the door behind him.

It left Akira alone with Takanori, which started getting Akira a little more nervous again. The silence that settled in the apartment made it worse: he never been as social as Kouyou was, and thought too much about what to say.

"I thought about trying this now", Takanori said and was turning one of the taper insertion pins between his fingers. Akira nodded. "I'll take a shower and do that", he said and got up from his chair. He took all of the expansion jewelry with him and headed away. Akira felt the hand touching his shoulder as Takanori passed him. "See you after."

It left Akira waiting for the after - which was both exciting and scary.

-

The shower could be heard running, and Akira tried to take his mind of a naked Takanori standing in there. The attempt was in vain as Akira's mind wondered there more or less the whole time, when he unpacked his clothes to his closet. He'd gotten some candles from his mother an grandmother as present and placed those on his bedside table. By the time the task was done, the shower was still running, so he laid himself on his bed and felt himself slipping into the state of mind he'd been in the whole car ride home, but more excited about the event that would soon play out.

It felt almost unbearable to wait anymore, when every inch of Akira's body felt so ready: it was rare for him to feel such a strong need for touching(Kouyou had actually often praised his self-control, but then again the guitarist seemed to lack that all together). He was sure there was a rosy color on his cheeks, because he could feel how hot they were. Partly from his arousal and partly from his embarrassment, because he was aroused - Takanori wasn't even with him yet, hadn't even kissed him after he'd gotten back: this was just pathetic.

The sound of the running shower stopped and was replaced by footsteps. Akira's already fast paced heart began pounding faster and he stood up from the bed, not sure what to do with himself. There was a moment of panic, when the footsteps drew close to his door and he picked up one of the candles on the bedside table to examine it. Once the door opened and he was holding the candle in his hand, he just felt stupid.

"I'm back." Takanori's voice sounded low and it send shivers down Akira's spine. He lifted his eyes to the other and couldn't take his eyes away: with all make-up washed of, Takanori's face looked young and pale, eyes small and lips full; the blonde hair was damp and dripping water down a bare, pale and smooth torso; from his hips down to his knees a large, red towel was wrapped around him.

What really caught Akira's eye was how the towel was the bulge that showed on the towel. Despite that it made him feel a little uncomfortable and embarrassed, he was glad he wasn't the only one, who was already excited.

"Did you want to light those?" Takanori asked. His voice sounded slightly tense, like it did, when he was nervous. Akira shook his head no, and he placed the candle down. "OK. Are those scented?"

"Maybe, I don't know", he answered feeling a little confused by the topic. They were both uncomfortable and nervous, which was a new situation: Takanori wasn't usually nervous and Akira had gone with what the other was doing. At that moment Takanori didn't seem to know, what to do. It wasn't like Akira knew what to do either, but he felt like it was his moment to be in charge, to try and be in control.

The steps Akira took towards Takanori were hesitant, but steady. He hadn't planned much further, than actually reaching Takanori. The other's eyes on him made him feel much too self-conscious, so Akira lowered his own only to be met by the bulge on Takanori's towel. Which wasn't much better really.

"Uhm… we don't have to do this if you don't want to", Akira proposed, since he couldn't really think of much else to say. At that time, he moved his fingers across Takanori's shoulder softly trying to make the other less nervous. The muscles beneath his touch stayed tensed though.

"You want to back out?" Takanori asked a little more boldly. He came closer to Akira wrapping an arm around the other's waist. Their bodies had yet to touch. Akira's neither regions were begging for contact, to the extent where he found it hard to think anymore. It was still better this way, since from the moment they actually had that contact, he wouldn't be able to think at all.

"No, I actually don't", he answered truthfully with a small sigh at the end. "I find that hard to believe myself", he then added with a small laugh, which got a small giggle from Takanori too.

"Then we're doing this", Takanori said in determined voice. He used his hold on Akira's waist to pull their bodies against each other and both let out a moan at that first contact even if it was through fabric.

The kisses were fierce and fast from the beginning and their hands were roaming at equal speed. Akira felt like his head was spinning, but he was enjoying it all to the fullest. The grinding stopped as Takanori just pushed against him and guiding Akira backwards. They stopped the kisses partly because they were out of breath and partly because they focussed on they way towards the bed.

Akira got on the bed before Takanori waiting for the other to follow him. As he looked up he found no more fabric to be covering any part of the other one's body. There was a small smile on Takanori's full, pale lips and he held his head high obviously rather confident and proud, like he'd always been. Akira couldn't take his eyes of the neither region, the prominent pelvic bones and even more prominent hard cock. That was until Takanori started to move and Akira looked up to the other's eyes.

"What I really like", Takanori spoke as he came to the bed with Akira. "That you were already hard", he finished as he moved his hand over the front of Akira's jeans earning a low moan from the other. Akira couldn't even be bothered by the comment by then, he felt like he was far too gone for that as Takanori continued on to undo his pants and pull them down with his boxers.

He could feel how Takanori was sitting up on his lower stomach, before he opened his eyes to actually witness it. Takanori had a slightly hesitant look on his face, before it was gone and replaced with a smirk. Akira moved his hand to Takanori's soft thighs and gently ran his fingers over them wanting to offer some comfort and support.

To Akira it seemed like Takanori pulled the condom out of seemingly nowhere. The expression on his face must have reflected that, since it made the boy laugh. "I brought these along, because we're going to need them", he clarified as also picked up the lubricant tube he had brought along. Akira nodded and hoped that Takanori wouldn't feel how he was slightly shaking with excitement - which might have been in vain, since Takanori was actually sitting on his lower stomach, but it wasn't mentioned.

There was some fumbling with the condom wrapper, but eventually Takanori's fingers got it pried open. Akira watched in fascination and continued stroking the soft thighs of the other. A sigh was uttered as Takanori reached down behind him to actually place it on Akira's hard cock. It was followed by Takanori spreading lubricant across his fingers and palms and reaching behind him to rub it over the condom covered cock.

It wasn't until the rubbing stopped and Akira opened his eyes, that he realized he'd closed them. He also loosened the tightened grip he'd had on Takanori's soft thighs as well. Takanori looked a little nervous again biting his lower lip, muscles tensed and eyes averted.

"Are you OK?" Akira asked voice breathy and rasp. He once again calmingly ran his fingers over Takanori's soft skin, thumbs moving in small circles. Takanori nodded his head, but made no move to go on with this. "It's your first time, right?"

"Yea." Takanori nodded again and lowered his head again, clearly a little embarrassed by the fact that had now been said out loud. Akira didn't know how to make the other feel more at ease, didn't know what to say or do next.

"That's OK", he said, since it felt like it was the appropriate thing to say. It was also close to what he was thinking and probably the closest he'd get to putting the thoughts to words - he felt this had so much more meaning if it was Takanori's first time along with their first time of doing this, liked the thought that no one else had been with the other in this way, liked that Takanori felt so strongly about him that the other wanted Akira like this. But he didn't want Takanori to have any pressure to do this, so he felt like what he said before was sufficient enough. After those words Takanori was brave enough to lift his eyes and look Akira. It made it a little harder for Akira to go on, but he did it anyway: "But… If you feel like you're not ready and if it's not comfortable…"

"Aki, I'm the one, who suggested this", Takanori weighed in at that point(for which Akira was grateful, he wasn't a fan of talking and feeling stupid). "I didn't spend that almost half an hour in the shower for nothing."

That caught Akira by surprise, like Takanori did from time to time. Takanori was prepared for this, he'd prepared himself for this while in the shower. This time the expression on his face earned him more than a giggle and he actually got a small kiss after a whisper of "you're so cute"(which he protested to in his mind). The kiss deepened to tongue play and soon they were both moaning into the kisses: Akira because Takanori's behind was rubbing against his hard-on; Takanori because his own hard-on was rubbed between his own and Akira stomaches.

"I'm going to do it", Takanori breathed out once he pulled out of the kisses. Akira opened his eyes looked on as Takanori proceeded to actually get on with this:

The smaller blond lifted himself up on his knees above Akira's pelvic section and hard cock. Akira felt like it was too much for him to actually be watching as it made him feel both embarrassed and more turned on at the same time. Yet he couldn't look away, couldn't close his eyes even when Takanori grabbed a hold on his cock to have better control over the whole situation. The anticipation was getting too intense for Akira as he watched how the other lowered himself onto his erection, and by the then he had to close his eyes at the sensation.

Both of them were breathing heavily, when Takanori had Akira fully inside him and had paused there. Akira could hear Takanori's fast panting and felt like he should ask the other if he was doing OK, but couldn't find his breath long enough to mouth the words. The only thing he was capable of was having his hands touch any part of Takanori he could reach randomly and wildly across thighs, erection and lower stomach. He settled for slowly petting the other's erection when gaining more control and earned soft moans from Takanori.

After a while it became too late to ask anything, when Takanori started moving, going up and down on his cock. Akira found it hard to be able to concentrate on touching the other's cock by then, and Takanori's moving wasn't making it any easier. For a moment he did lose himself completely in the warmth and tightness that surrounded him, the complete pleasure he was getting. He hadn't even realized how loud he'd gotten, before he heard Takanori's name slip from his mouth in a low, but loud moan and he opened his eyes surprised. That seemed to please Takanori a lot though as the younger picked up the pace and moved faster on him.

Akira tried to think, tried to act, but it became increasingly hard as he felt a pleasant pressure building up. He made a last attempt to touch Takanori before he'd come, and got his hand on the other hard cock. That was all he got to do, before it became too late. He closed his eyes shut as he came inside Takanori with a breathy moan. Takanori slowed down then, but kept him inside as he settled down, waiting for Akira to come around down from the high.

When he opened his eyes, he found Takanori to be looking at him fondly and his hand still unmoving on the other's still hard cock. Akira found himself feeling both embarrassed, exhausted and satisfied, and he mumbled an apology, before he began working his hand up and down Takanori's hard-on. It became the fastest hand-job Akira had ever had to do for Takanori, but he guessed the other was already too worked up for it to last long. The was some moving up and down on Akira's softening cock, and he felt like if his body hadn't been much too spent by then, he would have been getting ready for another round.

It was Akira's turn to wait for Takanori to come down from his high. The boy had collapsed on top of him after coming on the both of their chests. The stickiness was cooling between them, Akira was actually getting a little chilly and slightly uncomfortable with the full condom still on his now limb cock. Yet he didn't really want to move, didn't want to ruin this somewhat magical moment as Takanori began absentmindedly drawing lines along one side of his chest and planting kisses on the other side.

"That was amazing", Takanori breathed out after a while and he moved to be able to look at Akira. After those words he planted a sloppy kiss on the other's thin lips smiling a little into it. "Thank you for, you know, agreeing. I think I know it was kind of a big deal for you." Akira nodded at this. He was very sure that Takanori had a pretty clear picture of just how much of a dilemma this had been for him. "You did like though, didn't you?"

"You noticed, huh?" Akira asked jokingly as an answer. He got a giggle and a small kiss from Takanori then. The curiosity of what it was like for Takanori was getting more and more intense, but before the question was even asked the younger boy began praising the experience:

"I can't believe how good it really felt", he started sounding truly amazed, like a kid who was talking about a roller coaster ride. "I mean it was a little weird and uncomfortable at first, but the sensation, when it hit right on, was unbelievable."

"I'm glad", Akira said truthfully. He'd been very concerned that Takanori had been hurting, which was also why he was pleased that the other had been on top to control the pace. "I was worried it'd hurt, but I guess you made sure it wouldn't, before or something", he finished lamely and looked away. Takanori nodded his head and agreed not bothered by Akira's shy wording of the matter. Next the younger suggested they take a shower, and they moved to do that.

When they got back to the bed from the shower refreshed and little tired. Still as their bodies felt too heavy to move too much, they just laid down to talk. The topic started with their newest experience and continued on to talk about them. The conversation eventually died down as both of them were tired, each one taking longer and longer to answer. It came to the point, where Akira wasn't sure if it was his turn to answer or what the topic was anymore. He didn't even have a clue if Takanori was awake anymore and felt around with his hand a moment before finding the other's one to hold.

"I really like you", he said in a soft, low voice. He was too tired to feel regret at the words and didn't even have the need to as Takanori's response was immediate:

"I like you a lot too", he replied and gave Akira's finger's a light squeeze with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment !

**Author's Note:**

> Please, feel free to comment if you want !


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